Picking Up The Pieces
by CelticFaerie2
Summary: AU: Luka and Abby face a parent's worst nightmare. Ch 6 is Abby POV, so check it out!!. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1: Carter

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
**Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
A/N: This is a story originally posted by a friend of mine. She gave it to me when I started writing ER fics in May, to do with as I pleased. I tried to stay true to what she had done, making only a few adjustments along the way…And after seven chapters (3 all new material by my own hand) I feel it isn't working. So…I am going to pull the story from ff.net and start over, using a first person narrator…So please bear with me…And please, please, please don't neglect the review option. It is there for a reason, and I thrive on feedback from my readers! That said, I'm going to get on with the story…  
  
Chapter 1  
  
I stay in the shower as long as I can stand it because the water soothes me and helps me forget the never-ending stress that is my life. As I step out of the stall and rub my head with the towel, my eyes catch my image in the mirror and I stand there just staring at myself. I've changed since Devin left, and I have to say I don't like what I've become.  
  
The shrill cry of the phone startles me out of my thoughts, but I make no move to answer the call. I turn away from the mirror and wait for the answering machine to kick on.  
  
"Carter, it's Luka," Luka Kovac's voice fills the apartment. As if he needs to identify himself with that accent. Who else would it be? "I need to talk to you. Please if you're there, pick up the phone. It's Abby."  
  
I drop my towel like a hot potato and lunge for the phone. "Luka? I'm here. What is it? Is she all right?"  
  
"No. Abby's…Abby's not hurt," he says but I don't like the tone of his words. "It's Mikhail. He's gone, Carter."  
  
"Gone?" I repeat because I don't know what else to say. What else can I say?. "How?"  
  
"She went to get him up from his nap. He wasn't breathing."   
  
My mouth worked as if on a hinge. I tried to say something, anything, but I couldn't coordinate myself to form any words. I push my fingers against my eyes until a kaleidoscope of bright colors explodes like fireworks in my head. My ears buzzed with the shock and I had to sit on my bed to keep from falling to the floor. Mikhail. Gone. Abby's son. Dead  
  
"Carter, will you see her?" Luka's voice cut into the fog around my consciousness. Would I see her? Of course I would see her. Didn't he know I lived to see her? She's my best friend, my only friend. Of course I want to see her. I want to be with her, comfort her, give her a shoulder to cry on…  
  
"Where?" My voice is thin, weak. It doesn't even sound like me.  
  
"County. She won't let anyone take him, and I thought…maybe she would give him to you."  
  
I nod and push my hand against my eyes again to fight the onslaught of images and emotions careening through my mind. I can see her so clearly, sitting on one of the exam beds cradling her dead son to her chest.   
  
I thought suddenly of Galen, Luka and Abby's five year old daughter. "Galen. Where's Galen?"  
  
"Randi went to get her from school. They're not here yet."  
  
"Okay. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."  
  
"Thank you, Carter."   
  
You don't have to thank me, Luka, I mutter to myself as I hang up the phone. I stare at the receiver like it repulses me, but it's not the phone that sickens me. How could he be so calm? His son had died and he spoke of it like he had just bought a new car.   
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
I sit in my jeep outside the hospital for several minutes before I feel strong enough to go inside. I have to be strong for her. She has to know she can lean on me.   
  
I make my way to the admit desk. Weaver is there, making notes on a chart. She looks up and half smiles.   
  
"Where is she?"  
  
Her eyes cloud over with sympathy and sadness. "Trauma Three."  
  
I turn and head for the room. Someone else calls my name, or maybe it's Kerry, I can't really tell, and I don't care. Abby is my priority.   
  
The blinds are turned down so I can't see in the room. I guess that's good, because it means no one else can see in either. I put my hand on the knob, but turning it, opening it, is a whole different challenge. How many times had I walked through this door? More times than I could count, but never like this…  
  
"Carter…" I recognize Chuny's voice, but I don't respond. I shake my head and turn the knob, pushing the door open slightly. Luka is sitting on the exam stool, his hands in his lap. Abby is sitting on the bed, her knees drawn up to support her arms and the baby she's holding.  
  
Luka stands and the dark, edgy look in his eyes speaks volumes about the fear and pain he is feeling. He's been through the death of a child before, losing two children and his wife all at once during the war in Croatia. Somehow I don't think that makes this any easier for him.  
  
"Abby, I have to make a phone call. I'll be back soon." He moves toward the door and mouths 'thank you' to me.   
  
I wait until he's gone before I take his place on the stool by the bed. Abby hasn't moved, not one muscle that I can tell. I reach out to lay my hand on her back. She whimpers and tries to move away from the touch.  
  
"Abby, honey. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I know you must feel like your whole world is crashing down around you, and that's how you should feel. There aren't words, Abby. We've seen death a million times, sometimes right here in this room. And it never gets any easier and you're never really prepared for it. But this isn't some trauma, this is your son, Abby, and you're allowed to scream and cry and rant about the injustice of it because it isn't right and it isn't fair."  
  
Abby looks at me then, her eyes wild and unfocused. Her mouth opens then closes without a sound.   
  
"Mikhail is gone, Abby. But your daughter is still here. She will be here any minute, and she needs you. She's going to need you to hold her and reassure her and tell her everything is going to be all right even though it doesn't seem like it right now."  
  
"I don't…I don't know if…if I can, Carter. I'm not…I'm not that strong…"  
  
I anticipate her falling forward and move to catch her in my arms. I move to sit on the bed with her and hold her against my shoulder. "Shhh, honey. Shhh. It's okay. I've got you. I've got you."  
  
* * * * * * * * *  
  
I hope it's not too confusing for anyone that I have started this story over. I struggled with this story all afternoon and finally decided it's the narration that was off, so here it is, the new and improved first person narrative. I think it's going to have alternating POVs because a consistent Carte POV won't know everything…But anyway, please, please, please use the review option to let me know your thoughts, and as always, thanks for reading! 


	2. Chapter 2: Luka

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter 2  
  
**Luka POV**  
  
I pace the hallway outside the room. I should be in there, not out here while he's in there. She's my wife. I should be with her. But she won't talk to m, she won't even look at me or let me touch her. She doesn't realize how much I need her right now. And she needs me.   
  
I can't blame her for not thinking about my needs in all of this. Our son is dead. She's the one who found him, she's the one who couldn't save him. She has a right to be upset and depressed. But so do I. He was my boy too. Another child lost.  
  
I could lose myself so easily in the memories. I only have to stop moving and I see their faces in my mind. I hear Danijela's cried, I see Marko, Jasna in the apartment in Vukovar. All of them lost, and I can do nothing to save them.  
  
I don't want to relive that. I have to stay focused on Abby, and Galen. My beautiful little girl. I glance at my watch. Randi should have her back by now. Why aren't they here? I need to see Galen. I need to hold her and hug her and feel her solid and breathing in my arms.  
  
I wonder what's going on in that room. She's probably talking to Carter She could always talk to Carter. I hate that even now I feel jealous. I want to hate him. He could always get through to her when nothing else could. She could always reach out to him when she turned away from me.  
  
I should have let her marry him…  
  
"Daddy!" I turn to the sound, and Galen running toward me. I kneel to catch her in my arms and she almost knocks both of us down. I catch her and wrap my arms around her. "Aunt Randi picked me up early at school!"  
  
I glace at Randi, she shakes her head. She didn't tell her about Mikhail. Good. I stand with Galen still in my arms. "I bet you were excited."  
  
"Uh-huh. But why are we at the hospital? Is someone sick?"  
  
Just then the door to Trauma Three opens. Carter is holding Mikhail. I turn around so Galen's back is to the door, but it's too late.   
  
"Uncle Carter?" She cocks her head at him.  
  
"I'm sorry, Luka. I…"  
  
"It's all right. I haven't had a chance to tell her." I walk over to sit Galen down in a chair. I sit beside her, and take her hands in mine. "Sweetheart, I have to tell you something."  
  
"Why is Mikey sleeping like that?"  
  
"Your brother isn't sleeping, baby. He died today."  
  
She looks at me, her eyes wide. "Is he in Heaven?"  
  
"I'm sure he is, baby," I tell her.  
  
"Like Jasna and Marko?"  
  
I nod. I'd like to think the three of them are together, and Danijela is there to watch over them.   
  
"Daddy? Am I going to go to Heaven too?"  
  
"Someday, sweetheart. But not for a very long time." I pull her on to my lap and hug her tight. I kiss her forehead. "Not for a very very long time."  
  
Someone is standing a few feet away. I look up and see Carter. I nod, and he kneels in front of Galen. "Hey sweetheart," he says to her. She pulls her legs up onto my lap and burrows against my chest like she wants to get as far away from him as she can. "What do you say we go to the cafeteria and get some ice cream?"  
  
Galen grunts and shakes her head at him.  
  
Carter jerks his head toward the door. "Go talk to her. I'll stay with Galen."  
  
"I don't want to stay with you!" Galen screams.  
  
"Galen, baby. Calm down," I comb my fingers through her hair.  
  
"He killed Mikey!" She jumps off my lap and takes off running down the hall.   
  
"She saw you holding him," I say. That's the only thing that makes sense. But I don't have time to talk about it. I have to catch her before she gets lost. I leave Carter standing there and run after my daughter.  
  
Susan Lewis has cornered her at the end of the hall. I thank her and kneel a few feet from Galen. "You want to tell me what that was all about?"  
  
"He killed Mikey! I saw him!"  
  
She's cowering from me and I don't like that. Not at all. I put my hand out to her, but she only scoots farther into the corner. "Honey, Uncle Carter didn't hurt Mikey. Mikey was already…He was…Baby, I don't know how to explain this to you. Your brother died today at home. Your mother brought him here, but there was nothing the doctors could do."  
  
Her lower lip trembles and I know she's about to cry. I wish she would come to me and let me hold her.   
  
"Do you understand, sweetheart? You know Uncle Carter would never hurt you or your brother. He loves you so much."  
  
She stares at me for a long time. At least it feels like a long time. It's probably only a few seconds. I don't dare move or make a sound. She has to come to me. I have to wait her out, let her feel like she's in control because she must feel like everything else is spinning out of control.  
  
"Volim te, Daddy," she says and moves into my arms. "Sve htijenje biti u redu." I love you, Daddy. Everything will be okay.   
  
"Volim te, Galen," I whisper, and a single tear slips down my cheek.  
  
* * * * * * * *   
  
I am liking this version so much better. Using the third person narrator just kept me too far away from the meat of the story. I hope it's not too confusing to have rotating narrators, but I think it is necessary for this story…  
  
Please use the review option to let me know what *you* think! Thanks so much for reading! 


	3. Chapter 3: Abby

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter 3  
  
**Abby POV**  
  
"It's okay, Abby," he says, his voice so soft, so caring, even though he lies. It's not okay. Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay again, and he's a fool if he thinks otherwise.  
  
He doesn't understand how hard this is for me. He thinks he knows, because his brother died when he was a kid. He was eight years old. His brother died. Not his son. Not his precious baby.   
  
I feel like Humpty Dumpty. My whole world has crashed in a million tiny pieces at my feet, and all the king's horses and all the king's men won't ever be able to put the pieces back together again.  
  
My son is dead and I wish I was too.  
  
I don't know how to let go of him. How do I just let go?   
  
"Shhh," Carter coos and wraps his arms around me. It would be so easy to lose myself in his embrace. "I've got you. I'm right here."  
  
"I can't do this," I moan. I know I sound pathetic and I don't care. I just want to wake up and find out this whole day was just a terrible nightmare.  
  
It started first thing. I didn't want to get out of bed, and for no good reason. I'm usually up and dressed with breakfast on the table, feeding the kids before Luka comes down.   
  
"Abby? Are you still in bed? Are you sick?" Luka sat on the edge of the bed and put his palm against my forehead. "You don't have a fever."  
  
"I'm not sick. Just tired. I have a headache." I sat up and pushed my hair out of my face. I felt like I could lay back down and sleep for a week.  
  
Luka stood and finished getting dressed. "I'll get the kids."  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"I can give them cereal and take Galen to school on my way to work."  
  
"I'll get breakfast."  
  
He blew me a kiss from the door as he fiddled with his tie. "Don't worry about it. Stay in bed."  
  
"I have to get up with Mikhail anyway." I swung my feet over the side of the bed.  
  
"I'll get them downstairs. I'll feed them."  
  
"Okay."   
  
"Abby?" Carter's concerned tone stopped me from reliving the entire day. I look up at him and feel the heat of fresh tears on my cheeks. "Are you okay?"  
  
What kind of question is that? I want to yell at him. Of course I'm not okay. But I find myself nodding. There aren't word to say what I'm feeling right now. I let my eyes fall back to the baby in my arms. "My beautiful boy…" I whisper.  
  
"I know. I know, sweetheart," Carter says softly.  
  
I kiss Mikhail's forehead, his cheeks, his eyes, his lips. "Take him…" the words dissolve into a moan. Carter takes him gently and I regret it as soon as I feel him leave my arms. I fold into myself, hugging my shoulders, moaning and crying and dying inside.  
  
I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe he's gone. He's really gone. My baby, my beautiful little boy. He was fine this morning, dropping more cereal on the floor than he could get to his mouth, laughing and playing, banging on everything he could reach like any other eight month old, and after lunch I put him down for a nap just like every other day…  
  
But today he didn't wake up.  
  
If only I had checked on him sooner. Why didn't I check on him sooner? Because my head hurt. Because I wanted just a few more minutes of quiet before I had to get him up and try to entertain him until it was time to go get Galen.  
  
"It's not your fault, Abby," Carter says.  
  
"It is. I should have checked on him sooner…I knew it was too long. He never sleeps that long…"  
  
"Don't go there, Abby. Don't do that to yourself."  
  
"He was my baby!" I yelp. "I should have known he needed me!"  
  
He doesn't say anything, but he sits on the bed and pulls me into his arms. I struggle for a moment, pushing at his chest, but then I give in and surrender to him. I fall against him, burying my face in his shoulder, holding onto him as if my life depends on it..  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
So, tell me what you think! I really want to know. I think this version of the story is a lot better than the other one I tried to write…But I want your opinions too! Come on, don't be shy…use the review option, that's what it's there for…Thanks so much for reading! 


	4. Chapter 4: Luka

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter 4  
  
**Luka POV**  
  
Susan agrees to watch Galen for me so I can go check on Abby. Galen clings to my neck when I sit her on the admit desk. I have to pry her hands apart just to stand up straight. She's looking at me with her big hazel eyes and I just want to take her in my arms and run away from everything. She's so little, she can't really understand what is happening, and she's confused. I don't want to add to that by leaving her with Susan, but I don't want to take her into the trauma room where I know Carter is with Abby.  
  
"I need you to be my big, beautiful girl and stay with Susan for a few minutes so I can talk to Mommy, okay? Can you do that for me?" I ask her. She nods and her lip trembles, but she doesn't say anything. "That's my girl."  
  
"Hey, sweetheart," Susan steps in and takes Galen's hands in hers so I can move away. "How's my favorite five year old girl?"  
  
Galen shrugs. I pat Susan's shoulder as I walk past her. I don't dare look back at Galen, even when she calls out to me, begging me not to leave her. The desperation in her voice breaks my heart, but I keep walking toward the trauma room.  
  
I take a deep breath before I open the door. I know he's with her, but I am not prepared for the sight of them together on the bed. His arms are around her, her head in on his chest. She doesn't even look up, but he looks guilty, and I feel like I'm intruding somehow.  
  
"Luka," he says, and helps Abby sit up. She glances at me, then turns her face to his shoulder. Carter moves his feet over the side of the bed and slides away from Abby. She reaches for him, then folds over with a silent sob. She looks so small alone there on the bed, like a frightened child.  
  
We exchange glances, Carter and I, and I recognize the sympathy in his eyes. He nods and goes past me, to the door.   
  
I take another deep breath before I move toward the bed, toward my wife. She's pulled her knees up, her arms locked around her legs, her forehead pressed against her knees. I sit on the bed and put my hand on her back. She whimpers and flinches. She turns her head enough to look at me and her face twists in agony.  
  
"I know," I whisper. And I do. I know exactly what she's feeling. I know the pain, the guilt, the self-loathing, the want to die too. I've been through it, and I'm struggling to keep my thoughts from taking me back to the apartment in Vukovar where my wife and both my children lay dead at my feet.  
  
It would be easy to lose myself in the memory of Danijela and the children, and I can't afford to let that happen. I have to be strong now, for Abby and Galen.   
  
"I'm here," I say, and I pull her to me. She resists, her back stiff for a moment. Then she slides her arms around me and lets me hold her. I kiss the side of her head. "I love you, Abby," I say softly because I think it's important for her to hear those words right now.   
  
I don't expect her to respond, but she snuggles closer to me and sighs. I hope that is a positive sign, but right now it is hard to tell.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
"No, Luka. I can't," Abby pulls back. "I'm not ready."  
  
"I'm right here. I've got you," I tell her.   
  
She nods and reaches down, pulls the bottom of her shirt up to wipe her face dry. She takes a deep breath and nods.  
  
We move forward together, and I open the door.   
  
Carter is sitting at the admit desk. "Susan took her to the lounge," he says before I have to ask where Galen is. "Call me if you need…anything."  
  
"Thank you, Carter," I say, and I hope I don't have to call him.   
  
Susan is reading _Green_Eggs_And_Ham_. Galen is leaning against her on the couch. I hate to interrupt them, but Galen sits up and jumps off the couch.  
  
"Mommy!" Abby doesn't move, even when Galen hugs her legs. "Mikey is with Jasna and Marko now."  
  
Abby pushes Galen away from her and turns to run out the door.   
  
"Go," Susan says. She's already up and taking Galen in her arms.  
  
I turn to go after Abby. Carter has started after her too. She goes to back to the trauma room and backs herself into the corner. "I can't do this. I can't do this. I want my son. I want my baby!"  
  
I kneel in front of her. "Abby…"  
  
Her eyes turn to me, but I'm not sure she sees me. "Leave me alone!"  
  
I move toward her but she pushes me away. She tries to kick me, then punches me. I'm tempted to give her something to calm her down, but I can't do that to her with her history of addiction. I just pull her into my arms and try to subdue her.  
  
"Get off me!" She yells. "Let me go! Let me go!"  
  
"Shhh, Abby. Shhh. I'm here. I'm right here. I've got you." I feel myself slip into Croatian, but it seems to calm her so I don't stop. I say whatever comes to mind, which turns out to be The Lord's Prayer…  
  
"Oce nas, koji jesi na nebesima sveti se ime tvoje dodi kraljevstovo tvoje, budi volja tvoja....Kako na nebu tako i na zemlji. Kruh nas svagdanji daj nam danas I otpusti nam duge nase kado i mi otpustamo deznicima nasim I ne uvedi nas u napast, nego izbavi nas od zia."  
  
I say it twice through before she is completely slack in my arms.   
  
I look up, Carter is still there. I know he's thinking the same thing I am. We'd call a psych consult on any one else. But not Abby. I won't do that to Abby.   
  
* * * * * *   
  
I'm not getting much response from this story, which is disheartening. Please, I hate to resort to begging, but…I'm begging, if you are reading, please let me know with a review. It only takes a couple seconds of your time and each and every review makes me really happy ;) 


	5. Chapter 5: Galen

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
I'm going to try a chapter from Galen's POV here. During the school year I'm a Pre-Kindergarten teacher, so I'm around 4 and 5 year olds all day, but I've never really treid to write anything from a five year old's perspective. I'm basing Galen on a little girl from my class last year who is in our summer program as well, so hopefully my portrayal will be accurate…if not…well, at least I tried! My biggest concern is that she comes off more mature than she ought to be, but then, she is Luka and Abby's daughter…she probably is a little more mature than she should be at five years old, right?  
  
Chapter 5  
  
**Galen POV**  
  
Dr. Susan helps me jump down from the counter, and we go to the lounge to wait for Mommy and Daddy. She goes to her locker and reaches in like she's looking for something. "Aha. Found it!" She holds up a copy of _Green_Eggs_And_Ham_. "I'll read it to you if you want."  
  
I nod. I don't tell her I could read it to her. I know all the words. We sit on the couch, and she starts reading. She's just at the part where he's about to give in and try the green eggs and ham when the door opens and my mommy and daddy walk in.  
  
"Mommy!" I yell and run to give her a hug. She doesn't kneel down to catch me like she usually does, so I have to hug her legs. "Mikey is with Jasna and Marko now," I tell her.   
  
She pushes me away from her and turns away. She runs out of the room. Daddy looks down at me, but Dr. Susan tells him to go and he leaves too. Dr. Susan picks me up and holds me tight, even though I'm pushing against her with all my strength. She rocks me just a little, like Mommy does when I'm sick or hurt.  
  
"I want my mommy," I say.  
  
"I know you do, sweetheart. Your mommy is very upset right now." Dr. Susan sits down on the couch.  
  
I scoot off her lap to sit beside her. "Can we finish reading _Green_Eggs_And_Ham_ now?"  
  
"You bet." She opens the book again.   
  
I don't care if she reads the story or not. I just want to go home.   
  
Dr. Susan finishes reading _Green_Eggs_And_Ham_ and puts the book down. "I haven't read that in a long time," she says.  
  
"Since little Susie was here?"  
  
She nods. Little Susie is Dr. Susan's niece. She's a teenager now. Someday I'm going to be as big as she is. I might even be a doctor like Daddy and Dr. Susan.  
  
"Do you want me to read it again?"  
  
I nod. "If you want to."  
  
"Maybe you can help me this time."  
  
Daddy comes back just when we get to the part about eating the green eggs and ham in a box with a fox. I slide off the couch and go to him. He kneels down and hugs me and picks me up. "Hey, sweetheart." He asks me how I'm feeling in Croatian.  
  
I answer I am fine, but worried about Mommy.  
  
"Mommy is having a very rough day," he says, and looks at Dr. Susan. "But she's going to be just fine."  
  
"Can we go home now?" I rub his jaw to feel the prickly hairs there.  
  
"Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything," Dr. Susan says.   
  
  
  
"Thank you, Susan. For everything."  
  
I wave to Dr. Susan as Daddy and I leave the lounge. She waves too. I wonder if she will finish reading _Green_Eggs_And_ham by herself?  
  
Daddy tells me in Croatian to be careful what I say to Mommy. He says not to talk about Mikey or Jasna and Marko. Mommy's very sad about Mikey right now and we have to try to make her happy again.  
  
"Okay, Daddy," I say. Then I see her. She's standing by the doors, and Uncle Carter is with her. He has his arm around her. And I remember how he carried Mikhail, and Daddy said Mikhail was dead.   
  
I push against Daddy's shoulder, and when that doesn't work, I scream.  
  
Daddy puts me down in a chair and keeps his arms on either side of me so I can't get away from him. "Što je izvrnut?" He asks. What is wrong?  
  
I tell him I'm afraid Uncle Carter will hurt Mommy like he hurt Mikey.   
  
"Uncle Carter did nit hurt your brother. I'm sorry you saw him, Galen, but he was only trying to help. Mikhail died today. Do you know what that means?"  
  
"It means he's in heaven with Jasna and Marko."  
  
"It means he's dead. He's gone. He's not sleeping and he's not coming home. It means you don't have a brother anymore and your mother doesn't have a son. She is very upset, Galen. She's going to cry a lot and right now she needs you to be a big girl. You have to understand Uncle Carter loves you and he loves your mother and he's going to be around to help her get through this. She's in a lot of pain, and she needs Uncle Carter, which means you better get used to him being around."  
  
"Why can't you give her some medicine to make her feel better?"  
  
Daddy closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Because baby, it's the kind of pain that's in her head and there isn't any medicine to make this kind of hurt go away."  
  
I look down at my hands. "I just want Mommy to be happy."  
  
"That's what I want too, sweetheart, and maybe we can make that happen. But you can't scream every time you see Uncle Carter. He's your mother's best friend and he may be the only one who can help her through this."  
  
"Okay, Daddy." I say.  
  
He picks me up and hugs me. "That's my girl."  
  
Uncle Carter smiles at me. I want to hide my face in Daddy's shoulder, but I smile back. I have to be nice to him for Mommy, even if she doesn't smile at me.  
  
"Put me down," I say, and Daddy puts me down so I can walk between him and Uncle Carter, holding each of their hands.  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
Please use the review option to tell me what you think. I had a very hard time with this chapter and I'm still not completely happy with it. But I hope it is okay. Please, and I'm begging, please, let me know what you think.. Thannk so much for reading! 


	6. Chapter 6: Abby

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa  
  
Chapter 6  
  
**Abby POV**  
  
I roll over and look a the clock. Angry red numbers glare back at me. 6:19. The alarm is set to go off at 6:21. I sigh and throw the covers back. I hit the alarm button and tip toe across the hall to the bathroom.   
  
I notice Maggie's bedroom door is open, but I try not to think about it. She can't be gone again. She just can't. But she is. I know she is. After I use the bathroom, I pull Maggie's door shut, then go to wake Eric.  
  
"I don't wanna," he moans and flails his arms at me.  
  
"Eric, you have to go to school."  
  
"No."   
  
I pull him up to a sitting position, but as soon as I let go he topples over. I growl at him and pull him up again. I shake his shoulders just a little, just enough to make him open his eyes. I help him pick out something to wear, and leave him to dress himself while I get dressed in my room.  
  
"She's gone," he says from my doorway.  
  
"I know." I had hoped he wouldn't figure it out. I should have known better. He always figures it out sooner or later. "She'll come back."  
  
"When?"  
  
"I don't know. Today maybe. Or tomorrow."  
  
He doesn't say anything for a minute while I put on my shoes. "Can you fix pancakes for breakfast?"  
  
"Poptarts." I say. He sighs. "I'm sorry, Eric. But we don't have time for pancakes."  
  
"You could if you wanted to."  
  
"We're going to be late as it is."  
  
He pouts all the way to school.   
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
We pull up to the house and he parks in the driveway. I know he doesn't go in the garage because he doesn't want me to see Mikhail's stroller. I appreciate the gesture, but it doesn't matter really. I feel like I'm living someone else's life. The whole day plays in my head like a movie.  
  
Luka gets out of the car. I open my door, but I can't force my feet to move. The house looks only vaguely familiar to me, as if I've seen it somewhere before, long ago, and I can't quite remember. I don't want to remember.  
  
Luka stands by my door. I look up at him and I think I should say something, but I don't know what to say. There aren't words to say what I'm thinking and feeling right now.   
  
"It's okay," he whispers. "I'm right here. I've got you."  
  
I close my eyes and try to stop the thoughts rolling through my head. My baby is dead. And if I had married Carter instead of Luka…I wouldn't be here now. This wouldn't be my life.  
  
Luka opens the back door and Galen climbs out of the car. Luka picks her up. "Take your time," he says and starts toward the house with Galen.  
  
"No!" I scream. "Don't take my baby!" I feel the hot sting of the tears on my cheeks. My vision is blurred from the water in my eyes. I stumble out of the car, reaching out toward them, toward my baby.  
  
He puts his arms around me, and my face is pressed against Galen's back. I wrap my arms around the two of them and hold on for dear life. I feel like my life is spinning out of control. It has spun right out from under me and I don't know how to take the next step or another breath.  
  
My legs move automatically to follow Luka's lead. He guides me into the house and to the living room. The one room that wouldn't have too many memories. The children never played in the living room.  
  
He eases me onto the couch. I pull Galen down with me. She struggles for a moment, until Luka says something to her in Croatian. She settles against me, her head on my shoulder.  
  
I put my head back and close my eyes. I hear Luka walk away. I wish I could sleep. I want to sleep. I need to sleep. I feel like I will never sleep again. How can I sleep when my son is dead? He's dead because I wanted to sleep, because I didn't want to get up and check on him even when I knew he had been sleeping far too long…I don't deserve to sleep. Ever.  
  
I turn a little, to draw my legs up and hold Galen in the curve of my body. "I've got you, baby. I've got you and I'm never going to let anything happen to you."  
  
"I know, Mama," Galen whispers.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
I know, I know. I don't update for a few days and when I finally do, the chapter is very short. Sorry about that. It's hard to maintain Abby POV here for very long. She's emotionally exhausting! Hopefully the next chapter will be longer…But anyway, your thoughts are appreciated, but only if you share…please use the review option. It only takes a moment and it means the world to me. :) 


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